CRISTINA | THE LOVELY GEEK
On our 4th wedding anniversary, my husband and I decided we were ready to start growing our family. Six months later and no baby, I was diagnosed with PCOS, which meant additional hurdles to pregnancy. I spent the next year trying to understand my diagnosis and ended up going on Metformin in an effort to jumpstart things. I lost 15 lbs, got my cycle back on track, and a few months later had my very first BFP!
After surprising my husband with the news on our 6th wedding anniversary, we had our first ultrasound a week later. Unfortunately it was revealed that there was no heartbeat and the baby was three weeks behind in growth. I had little knowledge of what miscarriage was, so I didn’t understand at the time that this was the sign of a missed miscarriage.
But since there was a possibility my dates were mixed up and it was still early, my OBGYN gave me hope and sent me to another imaging department to get a more detailed ultrasound. By then I had started to spot, and when I had the second ultrasound it simply confirmed what the first one saw. However, no one could tell me anything. A week went by, the spotting got worst, and I scheduled an emergency appointment with my OBGYN who took a third ultrasound to finally confirm I was most likely miscarrying. She gave some painkillers and let me know what to look for if I needed to go to the hospital. 24 hours later, I loss my baby at 10 weeks 4 days.
I had a follow-up appointment to confirm I passed everything naturally okay, and she told me I could try again in 3 months. She gave me the textbook answer of it most likely being a chromosomal abnormality, so all I could do was wait until it was time to try again. Anxious to not experience these milestones barren, we tried again at the 3 month mark and got pregnant again.
This time things were different. I experienced more prominent pregnancy symptoms and when we went into our first ultrasound there was a heartbeat and growth was on point. Every appointment from thereon revealed nothing but good news. Baby was healthy and moving around. We announced our pregnancy publicly on Mother’s Day at 13 weeks, a week after I had seen my baby bouncing around via second ultrasound. Everything was going great!
At my 20 week anatomy appointment, we went in expecting to find out the gender, but instead we were given the devastating news that there was no heartbeat and my baby stopped growing 4 weeks prior. This loss took me completely off guard as I had sworn I felt movement the night before the appointment. It was like the rug was pulled out from underneath me. There were zero signs that anything had been wrong.
Later that week I had a D&E to remove the baby. A month later I found out my baby was a girl and completely normal (no chromosomal abnormalities or anything). The next several months I went through all kinds of testing and no one could tell me what happened.
Around the same time as my testing, I started seeing a nutritionist who had experienced something very similar, and told me it’s possible it was most likely to inflammation from my diet. I had been eating dairy, gluten, and sugar, all of which was NOT good for someone with PCOS.
Experiencing two losses back-to-back after trying so hard to get there was quite a blow. I wanted to do something that honored my angel babies and got the idea of a tattoo from a friend. I researched ideas and decided on the ribbon for Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness. It was my very first tattoo, and I got it done on October 15th, 2017. This day also happened to be the day our offer was accepted on a house we had be pining for, so it just gave us a lot of hope for the future.
A year later after my second loss, I’m not entirely sure when we will try again. I’ve been going to therapy to cope with the emotional trauma and have been working with my nutritionist to get my diet and nutrition on track. I’ve since eliminated toxic products from my house, changed up my entire makeup and skincare products to green ones, and doing everything I can to be ready when the time comes to try again.